How Your Wedding Day will Rob You, and How to Fight Back
A nervous guy gets down on one knee, pulls a diamond ring from his pocket and asks girl…
“will you Wedding me…?”
… Marrying somebody is pretty easily overlooked these days. Everywhere you look there’s advice on wedding this, wedding that. Keeping up with this Pinterest trend and how to wow guests with that novel gift. It can be a perfect storm which hides what really matters… The question s/he first asked. Will you marry ME?
As wedding filmmakers, we meet with couples a few weeks out from their wedding and ask how it’s all going. Too often they’re overwhelmed with how much work it actually takes to plan a wedding. They’re juggling work, emails from vendors, extended family and an ever-shrinking budget. All of which leaves no time left for each other. It’s quite ironic that what started out as a commitment to each other ends up being the very last thing couples focus upon before their wedding day arrives.
The initial excitement to the question “Will you marry me” has been long overshadowed by logistics, lack of sleep and a countdown that’s just a few weeks out.
So here’re 3 ideas that will help keep the ‘marry me’ in your wedding day.
1: The Impossibly Perfect Wedding.
It’s worse than ever before. Just like fashion magazines which photoshop women into beautifully sculpted and flawless beings, weddings are increasingly being presented as ‘picture perfect’ events.
Pinterest will always put its best foot forward. Just remember – you will only see the most amazing bouquets of flowers and DIY crafted table settings. Styled shoots often create unobtainable fantasies. And those romantic movies you’ve watched your entire life – yep, they’re 100% fake. Life just isn’t like that!!
Setting dreamlike expectations about what your wedding day will be like leaves little room for improvement. In business, we strive to under promise and over deliver. Yet when it comes to our personal expectations we dream of perfection, then become disappointed when real life experiences don’t reach such lofty goals.
Just remember that you and I are blessed to live a real life. We don’t live inside a piece of fiction or arranged photographic bliss, and we don’t have to be defined by how we compare to others. We are not perfect which is precisely what makes us so beautifully human.
2: A Team Effort.
If you’re reading this blog, there’s a pretty high chance that you are female. Of course, it takes two to make a marriage, but quite often it’s left to the woman to organise the wedding. The thought of organising stationery, picking a florist, or matching the colour of the ties to bridesmaid dresses isn’t quite as riveting for the groom-to-be!
But with any wedding, no matter how big or small, there is a mountain of work to do and many hands do indeed make for light work! So create a plan which spreads the load. It might mean letting go a little by giving others tasks to complete, but the benefits are more than just time savings.
It’s well known in Psychology that action creates emotion. To swing that around it simply states that emotions come after actions are put in place. The more involved you are in helping to organise the wedding the more you’ll naturally build excitement for it. So spreading the load also spreads the enjoyment! Although we can’t wait to reach the destination it’s sometimes the journey that brings much of the satisfaction.
3: Plan to Build Your Relationship Even Stronger.
You are not marrying your flowers, invites or seating arrangements. You are two people planning to marry each other. It’s no secret that a good relationship takes intentional work. So just as you plan your wedding, make sure to plan for each other too. Why not:
- Combine visiting wedding venues with a winery or two. Stop by a local park or art gallery along the way.
- Schedule regular cafe dates and just catch up. Leave your cellphones in the car.
- Keep in touch with friends and what you love doing the most – that is after all, what your relationship exists in and is shaped by.
Marriage is not just a WEDDING DAY commitment. It’s an EVERYDAY commitment. Intentionally build your relationship every day so come your wedding it’s in the best shape it’s ever been.
the magic ingredients.
Over the last ten years of filming weddings, we’ve seen a lot. We’ve seen budgets ranging from $7,000 to well over $100,000. We’ve seen plastic bouquets and 7 tier cakes. Helicopters to Taxi Vans. We’ve witnessed elaborate gift exchanges and perfectly practised dance moves.
We sat down and tried to define what things or activities are the keys to a great wedding. And the truth is we couldn’t find one. What worked at one wedding, didn’t work at the next. There was no universal pattern to be found that made for a successful wedding.
We finally came to realise we were looking in the wrong place. We realised the key isn’t found in the WHAT of a wedding day, but in the dynamic between WHO is getting married.
Couples who put as much effort into their relationship as they do their wedding day have the most magical experiences that no amount of organising could ever manufacture.
Once we discovered this it became quite obvious. The soul of a wedding is found in the people who get married. We found that couples who first invest in each other get crazy excited and just can’t wait to get married. The description of a “perfect wedding” is not defined by Pinterest but within the beating hearts of the bride and groom-to-be.
So as you plan the details of your wedding day remember the one question that started it all … will you
wedding MARRY ME?
This is the 1st article in a series we’re running. Check out the other articles here!
Part 2: Happiness … and How the Wedding Industry is Lying To You.
Part 3: What Your Photographer Never Captures, And Brides almost always Regret
Part 4: 3 Ways Your Wedding Videographer Will Shape Your Memories